Complaining about the politically correct versions of Merry Christmas is becoming more of a Christmas tradition than putting up lights or chopping down trees. This year it’s worse than ever.

In the last few weeks, I’ve read petitions urging government to abandon Season’s Greetings. I’ve seen people call for boycotts to punish retailers that say Happy Holidays. I’ve read countless complaints on blogs, watched celebrities like Jim Carrey mock the PC terms, and even heard it straight from the mouths of Christians.

The Reason for the Season is under attack. The meaning of Christmas has been stolen from the West.

But what is the meaning of Christmas?

Judging by what people do every Christmas – talk is cheap, after all – the meaning of Christmas is gluttony, alcoholism and hyper-consumerism. Roll that all together and you’ve got Consumption with a capital C. It’s appropriate that the most recognizable symbol of Christmas is a chopped-down tree.

With his simple message of love and moderation and his command that his followers give up all they have to follow him, it’s hard to imagine that this orgy of earthly riches is what Jesus Christ intended.

Perhaps the assault on Christmas isn’t led by politically-correct liberals but by mega-corporations intent on another big December. Maybe it’s not the Muslims, the Jews, the Hindus and those pesky PC liberals who are stealing the meaning of Christmas. Maybe it’s us.

And yet, in spite of the profit- and consumption-driven subversion of Christmas, it remains a special season of generosity and closeness with family and friends. Spending time with the people I love is my favourite part of Christmas. But generosity and closeness with family are not particular to Christianity, they’re values shared among religions and cultures everywhere.

Attempting to make the Christmas season more inclusive is admirable, but replacing Merry Christmas with Season’s Greetings or Happy Holidays is not the way to do it. Instead, people from other cultures will become naturally included as they see that instead of being about Jesus, Christmas is really all about generosity, friends and family on the one hand – or about getting fat and drunk and buying lots of stuff on the other.

Just like Happy Easter is free of controversy because most associate it with chocolate bunnies instead of resurrecting deities, Merry Christmas is en route to all the religious symbolism of the word holiday: holy day.

Merry Consumption, everybody. Let’s get wasted.

I used to work on the mountain in Hamilton on Hester Street, between Upper James and Upper Wellington. Across the street from where I used to work there’s an automotive repair shop called Brucedale Garage, and whenever I had car trouble I’d drop it off there to get fixed.

Since leaving that job Brucedale is a pain-in-the-ass to get to, but I still take the car there because they’re trustworthy and affordable, two things that can be hard to find in the automotive industry. After dropping the car off, I walked down Hester to get to Upper James so I could hop on a bus to get to this office, which belongs to a friend who lets me use it when I need it.

Hester Street is a commercial and residential mix. The block with the garage is single- or double-story commercial buildings. The other two blocks have houses and an elementary school. It’s a nice street, and it was especially nice today, covered in snow. Kids meandered down the slippery sidewalks and across the road as the roly-poly crossing guard blew her whistle. Cars with parents pulled up to disgorge loads of bundled-up children who scrambled over snow banks in their snow pants.

Then I heard the loud blast of a horn. I glanced to my left and saw an SUV braking, because a second SUV was pulling onto Hester from a side street and had misjudged the distance – or perhaps the speed – of the first SUV.

SUV #1 immediatedly started tail-gating SUV #2, but then decided this rebuke was insufficient. SUV #1 put the pedal to the metal and roared forward, swerving to the left at the last minute into the oncoming lane.

SUV #2 would not be outdone and accelerated too. The two gas-guzzlers blasted down Hester, SUV #2 on the right, SUV #1 on the left. Oncoming traffic was forced to swerve to the side of the road to avoid SUV #1, who finally managed to pass #2 and then swerved back into the proper lane, immediately slamming on the brakes to avoid smashing into the cars waiting to turn at Hester and Upper James.

After some intersection jockeying where SUV #1 tried to interfere with SUV #2’s right-hand turn, they were gone.

What defect of character causes someone to risk the lives of children because someone made a poor right-hand turn? Would running over someone’s kid be an emphatic enough declaration that you have the right-of-way?

A year ago, I wrote a post criticizing the Discovery Channel for its lack of skepticism in an episode featuring John Hutchison, a Canadian who claims to have invented a variety of remarkable and inexplicable phenomena that are collectively known as the “Hutchison Effect”. Since then, the post, which is entitled The Discovery Channel is Bogus, continues to attract attention from skeptics and believers alike.

Yesterday, Tim Ventura from American Antigravity dropped by to defend Hutchison, who he has personally worked with. He wrote a rebuttal of some of the criticisms and asked that I post it. You can find it in the comments to the original post. If you’d like to leave your own comments, do so there.

Raise the Hammer, an online magazine about Hamilton produced and edited by Ryan McGreal (who writes here as Ryan), is celebrating its one-year anniversary.

Ryan was kind enough to ask me if I would like to start writing a column. It’s called Digital Kayak (save it lever, you’ll have plenty of time to give me a hard time over the holidays) and you can go ahead and read it if you like.

Ryan, thanks for giving me the chance to inflict my point of view on a few more poor souls.

When I was in high school, things weren’t always easy for me and my friends. The constant pressure to get good grades and save up enough money for mickies of vodka so we could get loaded in the bush meant that we were often stressed out. That meant that we needed to gather on the very edge of school property, smoking cigarettes and waiting for the next fight to break out.

These days things are very different. Back then, in the mid-90s, teenagers were genuinely trying to get ahead. Today’s teenagers are utterly hopeless individuals whose primary goal is to leech money from taxpayers. They need to be taught a lesson and I am overjoyed that Ontario’s government has decided to do just that.

Ontario is about to become the first Canadian province to deny driver’s licenses to teenagers, or suspend their driving privileges if they already have one, if they drop out of school or have bad attendance. According to Education Minister Gerard Kennedy, this is part of a plan that will be “opening up better choices for students.”

The plan also includes fines of $1,000 for students who don’t attend class regularly, and the same penalty for their parents. Bravo, Gerard! You’re opening up students’ wallets along with their choices, and that is to be commended.

Like so many other excellent ideas in government, this one isn’t original. Nine states in the US already do the same thing. These are widely regarded as bastions of compassionate conservatism, or what I fondly term survival of the fittest, like Alabama, Georgia, Texas and South Carolina.

Kennedy has also introduced “new co-op programs, apprenticeships and specialized diplomas in areas like construction and the hospitality industry to encourage more teens to stay in school, especially those not interested in the academic stream”, another superb idea based on the carrot and the stick approach. The stick is losing your driver’s license and getting fined $1000. The carrot? Go to class and learn how to mix drinks, wait tables, and carry the luggage of international travellers.

Once teenagers turn 18, they no longer have to worry about these penalties because they only apply to minors. This is a shrewd move, because that’s when they get to vote, too. I wouldn’t want the loss of a driver’s license or a thousand-dollar fine to cloud the minds of teenage voters when they finally get to have a say in government.

Way to go, Ontario. Struggling students everywhere will thank you when you take away their license, their money, and their dignity. And you’re making sure that public transportation remains viable in the province. It’s a win-win situation!