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Battle of the SUVs

I used to work on the mountain in Hamilton on Hester Street, between Upper James and Upper Wellington. Across the street from where I used to work there’s an automotive repair shop called Brucedale Garage, and whenever I had car trouble I’d drop it off there to get fixed.

Since leaving that job Brucedale is a pain-in-the-ass to get to, but I still take the car there because they’re trustworthy and affordable, two things that can be hard to find in the automotive industry. After dropping the car off, I walked down Hester to get to Upper James so I could hop on a bus to get to this office, which belongs to a friend who lets me use it when I need it.

Hester Street is a commercial and residential mix. The block with the garage is single- or double-story commercial buildings. The other two blocks have houses and an elementary school. It’s a nice street, and it was especially nice today, covered in snow. Kids meandered down the slippery sidewalks and across the road as the roly-poly crossing guard blew her whistle. Cars with parents pulled up to disgorge loads of bundled-up children who scrambled over snow banks in their snow pants.

Then I heard the loud blast of a horn. I glanced to my left and saw an SUV braking, because a second SUV was pulling onto Hester from a side street and had misjudged the distance – or perhaps the speed – of the first SUV.

SUV #1 immediatedly started tail-gating SUV #2, but then decided this rebuke was insufficient. SUV #1 put the pedal to the metal and roared forward, swerving to the left at the last minute into the oncoming lane.

SUV #2 would not be outdone and accelerated too. The two gas-guzzlers blasted down Hester, SUV #2 on the right, SUV #1 on the left. Oncoming traffic was forced to swerve to the side of the road to avoid SUV #1, who finally managed to pass #2 and then swerved back into the proper lane, immediately slamming on the brakes to avoid smashing into the cars waiting to turn at Hester and Upper James.

After some intersection jockeying where SUV #1 tried to interfere with SUV #2’s right-hand turn, they were gone.

What defect of character causes someone to risk the lives of children because someone made a poor right-hand turn? Would running over someone’s kid be an emphatic enough declaration that you have the right-of-way?

10 Responses to “Battle of the SUVs”
  1. wemi:

    what a bunch of morons…


  2. If you’re looking for a really good local mechanic, I highly, highly recommend Audrey at the northwest corner of Dundurn and Chatham (there’s a used car dealership right on the corner; Audrey’s shop is next to it on Chatham and has big red bay doors).

    Our old car stopped working unexpectedly one day a couple of years ago, so we took it to Audrey. I popped by a day later to see how things were going, and he told me the engine was seized. Apparently when the oil change people changed the oil, they didn’t replace the bottom cap properly, and the oil seeped out. By a rotten coincidence, our low oil indicator light failed to light up, so we drove around, oblivious to the fact that our car had no oil, until it finally wouldn’t drive any more.

    Audrey refused to accept any money for investigating the car and giving us the bad news, and told us we could keep the car on his property until we sold it.

    He shows up for work at something like 5:00 AM, so if you leave your car there the night before, it’s usually fixed by the time you wake up.


  3. Oh yeah, SUV drivers.
    There’s a plausible answer in this review of New York Times auto reporter Keith Bradsher’s book High and Mighty:

    http://www.alternet.org/story/14839/
    Here’s the article’s author on SUV marketing:

    According to market research conducted by the country’s leading automakers, Bradsher reports, SUV buyers tend to be “insecure and vain. They are frequently nervous about their marriages and uncomfortable about parenthood. They often lack confidence in their driving skills. Above all, they are apt to be self-centered and self-absorbed, with little interest in their neighbors and communities. They are more restless, more sybaritic, and less social than most Americans are. They tend to like fine restaurants a lot more than off-road driving, seldom go to church and have limited interest in doing volunteer work to help others.”

    He says, too, that SUV drivers generally don’t care about anyone else’s kids but their own, are very concerned with how other people see them rather than with what’s practical, and they tend to want to control or have control over the people around them. David Bostwick, Chrysler’s market research director, tells Bradsher, “If you have a sport utility, you can have the smoked windows, put the children in the back and pretend you’re still single.”

    Armed with such research, automakers have, over the past decade, ramped up their SUV designs to appeal even more to the “reptilian” instincts of the many Americans who are attracted to SUVs not because of their perceived safety, but for their obvious aggressiveness. Automakers have intentionally designed the latest models to resemble ferocious animals. The Dodge Durango, for instance, was built to resemble a savage jungle cat, with vertical bars across the grille to represent teeth and big jaw-like fenders. Bradsher quotes a former Ford market researcher who says the SUV craze is “about not letting anything get in your way, and at the extreme, about intimidating others to get out of your way.”

    And here she is on the imagined “safety” of SUVs:

    While failing to protect their occupants, SUVs have also made the roads more dangerous for others. The “kill rate,” as Bradsher calls it, for SUVs is simply jaw-dropping. For every one life saved by driving an SUV, five others will be taken. Government researchers have found that a behemoth like the four-ton Chevy Tahoe kills 122 people for every 1 million models on the road; by comparison, the Honda Accord only kills 21.

  4. Ade:

    I knew I could count on you for a vociferous attack on the people who drive SUVs. But let’s not forget those fine folks who buy them just because they like trucks, like my friend Wayne whose Jeep Liberty ranks among his favourite possession, along with his collection of shotguns, tiger-themed decorations and Japanese swords.

    He also tends to drive slowly and safely – too slowly for the people who are irritated by his habit of sitting in the passing lane on the 400 highways doing 110. Tinted windows don’t just let you hide your kids, they’re also great when you’re embarassed by the driving habits of the person taking you places.

    I think I blame the manufacturers more than the drivers. Wayne would be perfectly happy behind the wheel of a Cadillac sedan, but his sense of responsibility is no match for the masculine instincts that overpower him when he sees a beast of a vehicle.

  5. Ade:

    As I think about this more, it’s odd how relevant that quote you posted – “SUV drivers generally don’t care about anyone else’s kids but their own” – is to what I saw this morning. The lack of judgment and restraint shown on the road this morning clearly factored into their choice of vehicle too.

    I remember being appalled when Wayne first showed up at our place in his SUV. I said, “I can’t believe you bought a friggin SUV”, he replied, “fuck off”. I tried to rationalize the choice by suggesting we go off-roading, but no way – “I’m not taking this thing off-road now, look at the paint job! Maybe when it’s old and beat up.”

    Of course, by the time it’s old and beat up it will belong to someone else.

  6. alevo:

    Any self-respecting truck enthusiast would know that a majority of SUVs are big fucking stationwagons. Most are too sloppy to take off-road. They waste so much gas lugging around a four-wheel drive carriage that most people never use. And if you happen to be one of those folks who has a two-wheel drive SUV: read the first line of this comment.

    There was a 60 Minutes episode on SUV marketing that made many of the comments found in the above NYTimes article. There is also the issue of the professional/self-employed tax right-off in the US. If you are a self-employed business person, you can right-off the purchase of a large commercial vehicle. However, the tax law in question defines a commercial vehicle by weight only. So, if you buy an SUV – it would qualify as a commercial vehicle (regardless of what you do with it) if it is big enough. Most often, this allows doctors and lawyers to buy a big honking SUV, suck down the nation’s fuel, endanger the lives of fellow commuters, and right-off some income.

    There is similar marketing research material that shows this tax loop-hole has also fuelled (bad pun) the creation of an even bigger, high-end SUV.

    “8 lanes wide and smells like a steak – Canyonero – he-yahh.”

  7. alevo:

    Here is a link to an article on the subject of the American tax loop-hole I mentioned:

    http://www.selfemployedweb.com/suv-tax-deduction.htm

    Note the list of qualifying SUVs at the bottom.

  8. alevo:

    Also, here are the correct lyrics for the Canyonero song:

    Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
    smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

    Canyonero! Canyonero!

    Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
    It’s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

    Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
    [Krusty:] Hey Hey

    The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
    Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.

    Canyonero!

    12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
    65 tons of American Pride!

    Canyonero! Canyonero!

    Top of the line in utility sports,
    Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

    Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

    She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
    She’s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

    Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

    Drive Canyonero!

    Woah Canyonero!

    Woah!


  9. Alevo wrote, “Any self-respecting truck enthusiast would know that a majority of SUVs are big fucking stationwagons.”

    If only; that would represent an improvement. In fact, Subarus really are station wagons, with bottom-heavy “boxer” engines (the pistons are horizontal) and AWD drivetrains, but the vast majority of SUVs are built on a rigid truck frame.

    Because the frame doesn’t absorb impacts (the “crumple zone” accordion effect of nearly all car frames), the occupants of SUVs tend to suffer more when their vehicles collide with fixed objects. All of the force of deceleration is absorbed by the body hitting the seatbelt (and the organs hitting the ribcage, and the brain hitting the skull case…) instead of the frame.

    In cases where SUVs hit cars, they are so heavy that much of the force of impact is transferred to the other car, resulting in worse injuries and damage than would otherwise be the case. Essentially, the car takes more of the impact on the SUV’s behalf.

    SUVs are allowed to be designed to a vastly inferior safety standard because they are regulated as commercial vehicles, not personal vehicles. The reasoning is that the ratio of commercial to personal vehicles is tiny, so there is less risk in making commercial vehicles less safe.

    Also, because they are used by companies, the lower safety standard means automakers can sell them for less, helping the economy (this is also where the tax write-off originates).

    So how did SUVs come to dominate personal car sales? Blame Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE), the law specifying that each automaker must maintain an average fuel economy over its entire fleet. If you want to build a gas guzzler, you must balance it with an econocar.

    CAFE was introduced in the 1970s in response to the OPEC oil crisis as a way to improve fuel economy. Unfortunately (and if this is starting to look characteristic to you, give yourself a hand), CAFE rules do not apply to commercial vehicles, mainly for the aforementioned reasons.

    Ade, here is where your comment, “I think I blame the manufacturers more than the drivers. Wayne would be perfectly happy behind the wheel of a Cadillac sedan” comes in. In fact, we should blame the loophole that provides a tremendous incentive for automakers to replace those Cadillac sedans with Cadillac Escalades.

    Automakers sensed a large latent market demand for big muscle cars, but they were no longer allowed to crank out Chargers and Parisiennes, so they started repackaging their unregulated commercial trucks with back seats and aggressive styling. The result, unofficially, is the SUV.

    With oil prices falling all the way through the 1990s (and with America having the lowest gas taxes in the industrialized world), SUVs quickly dominated auto markets, and represented over half of new car sales by the start of the 21st century.

    Automakers love them because they’re cheap to build, sell at a premium, and tap directly into buyers’ most visceral reactions. Car buyers love them because they make them feel safe and powerful (facts be damned). Oil companies love them because they consume up to five times as much gas as a car to travel the same distance.

    Woah, Canyonero!

  10. alevo:

    Hee-yah. Get’em up – move ’em out. Hee-yah.

    Ryan – The Dodge Charger is back. We can only hope for a resurrection of the yacht-like Parisienne. Pure speculation on my part: I guess the balance of fuel economy sought by CAFE restrictions has now been tilted somewhat, due to newer hybid models, allowing for some companies to re-introduce some seventies-style muscle varieties again, like the Hemi-clad Charger. Perhaps also the time is right. These models speak to a generation of boomers entering retirement, who in a mid-life crisis sort of way, might want to relive their youth and really haul-ass in an uber-big block.

    Point taken on the station wagon comment. I was trying to highlight the disconnect between an SUV and an off-road vehicle, not necessarily diss the shagg’n wagon. I have driven a few Subaru’s in my time (two Legacy wagons in fact), and they are damn fine cars. To wit – I drove one head-on at about 70 km/h into a few parked cars. It was a write-off, but my three passengers and I walked away fine.